It's strange.

It's annoying. It scratches at the surface every once in a while, reminding me "Way to go, this is it".

Two decades I've spent on the planet, and I feel like I've got so little to show for it it's not even funny. I mean, sure, I've got some friends. A few. But other than that, I'm just stuck where I am right now.

Insecurities claw at the door. I don't feel like I can succeed. I worry way too much about what other people think.

I'm lonely. I don't like to admit it, but I feel like I fail at having a social life.

The people who are around me seem to genuinely care. And I've already let down two people. I'm scared that it'll happen again. I don't think I could stand that.

I get attached too easily, even to people I don't know that well. I'm optimistic to the point of being naive. I don't think things through, I don't think.

...

We have giant plans now. Me, Carlyn, Johnny, Luke, and Robert are all supposed to move in together. I pray things go well.

I've been praying more lately, for probably all the wrong reasons.

Someone help me.