Our hopes and expectations...

I'm feeling in a weird mood right now...I've really started to get tired of some of my friends...well, not really tired. That statement isn't exactly accurate. I suppose their isn't really a way to accurately describe what I'm feeling right now. It seems like every day I sit down here in this basement, they're actually LIVING. Everything I haven't experienced in life they have. It seems like I waste so much time down here...it's almost depressing. I want to get out and actually experience life. Unfortunately, what I speak of isn't just living. It's more like what hasn't happened to me yet.

Yes, I'm referring to substance abuse and intercourse, to put it politely.

Now, that's not to say that I just want to run out and get screwed up beyond all belief. It's just that I feel like there's so much I haven't done yet...and that they have. The feelings, the experiences, all of that. It makes me feel innocent, to the point of naivete. I feel kinda like my efforts to remain "clean" have pretty much left me looking like an child, and a rathet immature one in their eyes. Now, obviously some may think that I'm just caving to peer pressure, but that really isn't just it. I've thought about it, and really, it's something I need to know what it's like. I may not jump up right away, but if the opportunity arises, I'm not going to turn it down.

That's not to say that this is all some sort of immature outburst. Not by any means. It just...finally occured to me how little significance everything actually is. Compared to everyone else out there, my life's but a rain drop in an ocean of people. I've only got one life to live, and it's already starting to pass in the blink of an eye. I can't really answer a question I posed to myself...what's live worth living if you aren't actually LIVING it?